system dot gay

skylar system y'all/they #

Hello, we're skylar system – a collective of headmates sharing the mind and body of Skylar Taylor-Barrick, a 31-year-old nonbinary person.

Please Note: We are not a psychiatrist, clinician, or trauma expert. Our use of language isn't academic, but an effort to describe our experiences. It may be counter-productive to generalize our insights to other systems, plural people, or folks with dissociative disorders. DID is not the only form of plurality, nor is all plurality rooted in trauma.

so, a system? #

We were diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, a condition often stemming from repeated, severe trauma during childhood that creates two or more distinct personality states, or alters/headmates. There is typically amnesia of portions of childhood, traumatic events, and times other headmates are present.

This means there's more than one of us sharing one body and life, each with distinct personalities, feelings, orientations, and ways of interacting with the world.

As we learn more about DID and explore our plurality, we're discovering new headmates — and the ones we already know are becoming clearer and more distinct. If you're going to be part of our lives, it's helpful to know who's around:

system members #

✨ Zari they/she

Zari fronts most of the time right now, and contains most of what you know our personality to be prior to coming out as plural. They're agender and asexual, but often interested in kink. They love reality TV, documentaries, psychology, and electric cars. Our "masked" state for public interaction is mostly Zari, though increasingly this is sort of a combination of them and Ethan. Zari has taken on much of the system coordination and management, handling daily life, medical appointments, and making sure everyone's needs are considered.

⚫️ Ethan he/him

Ethan's a trans man exploring masculinity after feeling like he couldn't be more than a femboy. He often experiences intense dysphoria from inhabiting a body shaped by someone else's transition. Ethan's 19 years old, notably younger than our body's age, but often handles crisis situations and protective responsibilities when other headmates are overwhelmed or burnt out. While he can be emotionally immature at times, he's also assertive and tends to step up when the system needs someone to manage difficult situations. He can access Zari's memories but not vice versa, and has been developing his own social connections and friendships separate from the system's previous relationships.

💖 Melanie she/her

Melanie's a binary transsexual woman, and is the most feminine part of us. She loves traditional gender roles and really enjoys masculine men taking care of her. She'll often argue that she's straight, and sometimes makes us wish we had vaginoplasty. She fronted for multiple years of our life and is significant, but had been dormant for some time until very recently returning. We're still relearning how to navigate life with her present again. Melanie sometimes questions whether she believes in the system or plurality itself, which creates interesting dynamics.

🌟 sky she/her

sky's a little girl who mostly fronts through involuntary age regression. We often seek her for comfort when we're feeling sensory overwhelm, severe emotions, or trauma. She loves her stuffies, particularly Zax (an alien squishmallow) and her Bluey plushies, and enjoys cartoons and gentle activities. She tends to retreat when there's conflict between headmates, and we've been doing a lot of work on making a safe place for her to come around more regularly.

🌀 Flux it/its

Flux is what we're calling a nebulous idea of a new headmate we haven't identified yet. There's a couple distinct feelings that happen yet that haven't fully revealed themselves, and we want to have a place for that.


how we function #

fronting + switching #

Switching between headmates usually happens spontaneously and involuntarily for us, though it has become more intentional and distinct as our system has developed. Often, a switch is triggered by changes in emotion, conversations, or specific situations that resonate differently with our headmates. For example, during a conversation, one of us might naturally step forward if the topic aligns more closely with their interests, feelings, experiences, or comfort levels.

We also co-front regularly, particularly Zari and Ethan who are co-conscious about 20-30% of the time. During co-fronting, both headmates are fully aware of what's happening and can communicate internally about who takes the lead in conversations or situations. This collaborative approach has become an established part of how our system functions.

You might notice quick shifts in our mood, interests, vocabulary, or style of interaction — this is completely normal for our system. Switches can often take a few seconds, during which we aren't particularly aware and are actively dissociative.

pronouns + identity #

Pronouns will shift depending on who's fronting and the context of the conversation. Some general rules:

Please don't refer to the system with singular pronouns like she/he/they unless you know who's fronting. We'd prefer not to be called it/its as a system.

In writing, we often preface a message with an emoji to indicate who's fronting (✨⚫️💖🌟🌀) which helps clarify identity and tone in conversation. We're still working on how to signal this verbally without feeling excessively awkward.

internal communication #

Our system regularly communicates — sometimes whoever's fronting might speak aloud and mentally hear responses from other headmates, other times we have full conversations entirely in our head. These internal conversations are vivid and real.

This kind of internal dialogue helps us navigate daily life, process emotions, and coordinate fronting more smoothly. We have been working on building internal structure for further communication and cooperation, though switching remains mostly involuntary right now.

memory + awareness #

Our memory between headmates varies significantly depending on who's involved and the type of switch. Zari and Ethan co-front about 20-30% of the time, but even then our memory access is asymmetrical - when Ethan fronts, he can access much of Zari's memory, but Zari has more limited access to his experiences. During distinct switches (which happen most of the time), we rely heavily on reading previous messages and leaving notes for each other in Discord to catch up on what we missed.

The memory barriers between us have actually gotten stronger as we've developed more individualized senses of self and become more intentional about switching. What used to be foggy handoffs during conversations are now more often clear transitions where one of us steps back and the other takes over, sometimes with significant gaps in what we can access from each other's time fronting.

With other headmates, the memory separation is even more pronounced. When Melanie returned from dormancy recently, her last clear memory was from last August - she had no awareness of the months that had passed. sky's memory patterns are still unclear to us, partly because she typically fronts during overwhelming situations where memory formation might be disrupted anyway.

We do still experience full amnesia, particularly during therapy sessions or high-stress situations where switches happen without much co-consciousness. These moments can leave us trying to piece together conversations or experiences that feel like someone else entirely lived through them, which can be confusing for us and the people around us.

sharing information #

We've been asked if it's okay to repeat something one of us said to another part of the system. The honest answer is: only if you really have to.

In rare cases, it's helpful to let us know what another headmate said, especially if it affects shared plans or our well-being. Increasingly though, it feels intrusive or jarring to hear about something we don't remember firsthand.

Our internal communication and memory-sharing are getting stronger, and we're feeling more confident in our ability to handle this ourselves.


how to support us #

We don't expect anyone to have all the right language or understand plurality right away — just be curious! Some helpful things people have done:

what not to do #

We know most people mean well, but a few things that don't feel good:


did this resonate a little too much? #

There's a distinct possibility that reading our experiences here helped you to connect some parts of your own brain you've been struggling to understand. We had a number of experiences like that far before considering we may actually be plural.

We spent a lot of time reading this questionnaire our therapist provided and realizing how much we all related to the described experiences. There is also a therapeutic modality called Internal Family Systems that uses similar concepts to plurality to process trauma and improve daily functioning. We know many people who have benefited from it, both plural and not.

We do want to say that if this feels like how your brain works - that's entirely okay! We felt this way for some time before actually feeling in-touch with a headmate enough to believe it was real. Maybe you are plural, that's okay! Maybe you're not, that's okay too!

resources #

If you're interested in learning more about plurality and DID, we've put together a page of information that may be helpful.