system dot gay

skylar system y'all/they #

Hello, we're skylar system – a collective of headmates sharing the mind and body of Skylar Taylor-Barrick, a 31-year-old nonbinary person.

Please Note: We are not a psychiatrist, clinician, or trauma expert. Our use of language isn't academic, but an effort to describe our experiences. It may be counter-productive to generalize our insights to other systems, plural people, or folks with dissociative disorders. DID is not the only form of plurality, nor is all plurality rooted in trauma.

so, a system? #

We were diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder in March 2025 – a condition often stemming from repeated severe trauma during childhood that results in two or more distinct personality states, or headmates/alters. There is typically amnesia of portions of childhood, traumatic events, and times other headmates are present.

This means there's more than one of us sharing one body and life, each having unique personalities, feelings, orientations, and ways of interacting with the world. We are still in relatively early stages of system work & discovery, so new headmates come around sometimes.

our headmates #

✨ Zari they/she

Zari fronts about 60% of the time, and contains most of what you know our personality to be prior to coming out as plural. They're agender and asexual, but often interested in kink. They love reality TV, documentaries, psychology, and electric cars.

She takes on much of the system coordination and management, handling daily life, medical appointments, and making sure everyone's needs are considered. They tend to burn out from overwork without realizing it.

⚫️ Ethan he/him

Ethan's a trans man, and is fairly masculine. He often experiences intense dysphoria from inhabiting a body shaped by someone else's transition.

He's 19 years old, notably younger than our system's age, but often handles crisis situations and protective responsibilities when other headmates are overwhelmed or burnt out. He's more assertive and dominant than most of the system, and tends to step up when the system needs someone to manage difficult situations.

He can access Zari's memories but not vice versa, and has been developing his own social connections and friendships separate from the system's previous relationships. Sometimes his protective nature can unintentionally scare Aimee.

🌟 Aimee she/her

Aimee's an 8 year old little girl. She often shows up when we're feeling sensory overwhelm or severe emotions. She loves stuffed animals, particularly Zax (an alien Squishmallow) and her Bluey plushies, and enjoys cartoons, coloring, and other gentle activities for her age.

She tends to retreat when there's conflict between headmates, and we've been working on a safe place for her to come around more regularly. She has protected memory barriers and generally doesn't know what happened before fronting. She is often nonverbal, but can communicate through writing or drawing.

If you interact with Aimee, be gentle and use an age-appropriate tone. She can be shy around new people, and doesn't like loud noises or sudden movements.

💖 Melanie she/her

Melanie's a binary transsexual woman, and is the most feminine part of us. She loves traditional gender roles and really enjoys masculine men taking care of her. She's straight, and often wishes we had vaginoplasty.

She fronted for multiple years of our life and is significant, but had been dormant for some time until recently returning. She's significantly shaped our transition decisions, despite her differing feelings about bottom surgery now.

⛓️ Christopher he/him

Christopher's a 40 year old man, and is very masculine. He takes on the role of the protector within the system, jumping in to take over when one of us is going to make a bad decision. He also encourages us to embrace our strengths and face challenges head-on.

He does not have a strong relationship to the system's body, and does not experience meaningful dysphoria. He loves leather and indie rock.

🌺 Raine she/her

Raine is 16 years old and struggles with body image and eating. She does not trust men, including those in the system, which can sometimes cause conflict. She does not front too often.

💎 Aria she/her

Aria's 21 years old, very energetic, feminine, loves fashion and pop music. She's a bit of a social butterfly and enjoys going out, dancing, and meeting new people. She also speaks very quickly.

🌀 Flux it/its

Flux is how we describe blended states between headmates, or a headmate still forming that has yet to become concrete or name themselves.


how we function #

fronting + switching #

Switching between headmates usually happens spontaneously and involuntarily for us, though it has become more intentional and distinct as our system has developed. Often, a switch is triggered by changes in emotion, conversations, or specific situations that resonate differently with our headmates. For example, during a conversation, one of us might naturally step forward if the topic aligns more closely with their interests, feelings, experiences, or comfort levels.

We also co-front regularly, particularly Zari and Ethan who are co-conscious about 20-30% of the time. During co-fronting, both headmates are fully aware of what's happening and can communicate internally about who takes the lead in conversations or situations. This collaborative approach has become an important part of how our system functions.

You might notice quick shifts in our mood, interests, vocabulary, or style of interaction — this is completely normal for our system. Switches can often take a few seconds, during which we aren't particularly aware and are actively dissociative.

pronouns + identity #

Pronouns will shift depending on who's fronting and the context of the conversation. Some general rules:

Please avoid referring to the system with singular pronouns like she/he/they unless you know who's fronting. We'd prefer not to be called it/its as a system.

In writing, we often preface a message with an emoji to indicate who's fronting (✨⚫️💖🌟⛓️💎🌺🌀) which helps clarify identity and tone in conversation. We're haven't figured out how to signal this verbally without being awkward, though Ethan and Christopher both have lower, more masculine voice tones that can be observed.

internal communication #

We communicate among ourselves often – we used to regularly have internal verbal communication, and sometimes one of us would speak aloud and hear the others internally. Lately most of our communication has become written, using an app we're developing to track our system.

We also are fond of creating polls to vote on things, both to understand ourselves more fully and to ensure all of us are on board and invested in the decisions we make.

Internal dialogue helps us navigate daily life, process emotions, and coordinate fronting more smoothly. Since switching is generally involuntary for us, sometimes communication takes a while for the right headmate to come along and respond.

memory + awareness #

Our memory between headmates varies significantly depending on who's involved and the type of switch. Zari and Ethan co-front about 20-30% of the time, but even then our memory access is asymmetrical - when Ethan fronts, he can access much of Zari's memory, but Zari has more limited access to his experiences. We rely heavily on reading past messages, and leaving notes for each other to track things like meals, medications, and where we've went.

Memory barriers between us have actually gotten stronger as we've developed more individualized senses of self and become more intentional about switching. What used to be foggy handoffs during conversations are now more often clear transitions where one of us steps back and the other takes over, sometimes with significant gaps in what we can access from each other's time fronting.

With other headmates, the memory separation is even more pronounced. When Melanie returned from dormancy, her last clear memory was from last August - she had no awareness of the months that had passed.

We do experience full dissociative amnesia, particularly during therapy sessions or high-stress situations where switches happen harshly. These moments can leave us trying to piece together conversations or experiences that feel like someone else lived through them, which can be confusing for us and the people around us.

sharing information #

We've been asked if it's okay to repeat something one of us said to another part of the system. We used to be uncomfortable with this, but as we're growing to work more collectively it's become less distressing, and we're quite fine with it. It can often help us understand ourselves better to hear an external perspective on our behavior.


how to support us #

We don't expect anyone to have all the right language or understand plurality right away — just be curious! Some helpful things people have done:

what not to do #

We know most people mean well, but a few things that don't feel good:


did this resonate a little too much? #

There's a distinct possibility that reading our experiences here helped you to connect some parts of your own brain you've been struggling to understand. We had a number of experiences like that far before considering we may actually be plural.

We spent a lot of time reading this questionnaire a therapist provided and realizing how much we all related to the described experiences. There is also a therapeutic modality called Internal Family Systems that uses similar concepts to plurality to process trauma and improve daily functioning. We know many people who have benefited from it, both plural and not.

We do want to say that if this feels like how your brain works - that's entirely okay! We felt this way for some time before actually feeling in-touch with a headmate enough to believe it was real. Maybe you are plural, that's okay! Maybe you're not, that's okay too!

resources #

If you're interested in learning more about plurality and DID, we've put together a page of information that may be helpful.